4 Tips to Healing After Infidelity
When you discover that your partner has had a physical and/or emotional affair, you may find yourself asking some very painful and challenging questions: Can trust be rebuilt? Can I and should I forgive and move on? Should I stay?
Infidelity weakens the level of trust, safety and security in a marriage; however, a couple can begin the healing process and make their relationship stronger than before if:
1) The Extra-Marital Affair Ends-By keeping the affair active or protecting the affair, the hurt spouse continues to be walled off and an emotional distance continues to separate husband and wife. A vital step for the unfaithful partner to take is ending the extra-marital relationship and to begin opening up to his/her partner. By getting actively engaged in the marriage again he/she is now protecting the marriage and walling off the affair.
2) The Unfaithful Partner Gets Honest- It is important for the unfaithful partner to get honest about all aspects of the affair. Being courageous and taking accountability for his/her actions is fundamental after act of emotional or physical infidelity has occurred. If there are any aspects of the affair that are kept hidden, a barrier will continue to divide the couple and will prevent the couple from becoming emotionally intimate with one another. Until there is an honest disclosure the betrayed spouse will be consumed with doubt, analysis and fear and the unfaithful spouse will carry secrets, shame and remorse.
3) Compassion and Empathy Towards Your Partner- The third key for strengthening the bond between husband and wife is for both partners to have compassion for each others feelings. When marriage vows have been broken, the feelings of pain and hurt or shame and guilt can be difficult to bare. Therefore, it is important for the unfaithful partner to have empathy towards his/her spouse’s feelings and needs, and to acknowledge the pain he/she has caused. Moreover, it is important that the betrayed partner to openly share his/her feelings while also being open to understanding and having compassion for the needs and feelings of his/her spouse.
4) Rebuilding Trust- One way to begin rebuilding trust is for the couple to identify which trust-enhancing behaviors would help rebuild the safety and security in the relationship. This allows the couple to remain focused on present day solutions and to be proactive about repairing the broken relationship in the here and now. Moreover, the couple together can evaluate and resolve the problems that existed in the relationship prior to the affair.
Often times it is helpful to seek consultation from a Marriage Counselor to facilitate and guide the couple through this process, since the emotions can become very intense and it can be difficult to find the solutions or even see the problems when you are so immersed in them.
However, by taking these steps, the couple can gain insight and awareness into his/her own behaviors, perceptions, feelings and needs as well as learning and understanding his/her partner’s experience in the relationship. This can empower the couple to begin creating a fulfilling relationship today and to start planting the seeds of hope for the future health of the marriage.
For more information on coping with the aftermath of infidelity you can visit http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/
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