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5 Keys To Decreasing Depression
Living with depression can be very debilitating. Common symptoms include, but are not limited to the following:
- Poor Appetite or Overeating
- Insomnia Hypersomnia
- Low Energy or Fatigue
- Low Self-esteem
- Poor Concentration or Difficulty Making Decisions
- Feelings of Hopelessness
By incorporating the following suggestions into your daily routine, you will not only start investing in your emotional and physical well-being, but also begin to empower and re-energize yourself so you can live the life you desire. The following are 5 simple techniques that if practiced consistently on a daily basis can both improve your mood and decrease the intensity of depressive symptoms.
1. Daily Meditation– Meditating just 5-15 minutes daily has been found to have significant health benefits and is an effective method to manage anxiety, decrease stress, improve mood, regulate hormones, and stabilize blood pressure just to name a few. Mindfulness meditation specifically is a practice where you learn to be presently aware non-judgmentally by creating distance from your thoughts and feelings so you can have a more objective way of looking at yourself, the world or a situation.
2. Getting Adequate Sleep– Giving your body the rest and relaxation it needs after a long day of activity is vital to your emotional, physical and mental well-being. Typically adequate sleep consists of 8 hours of optimal sleep efficiency. Optimal sleep efficiency is when it takes anywhere from 5-20 minutes to fall asleep, sleeping throughout the night uninterrupted for 8 hours and waking up at your desired wake up time.
3. Eating Regularly From All Basic Food Groups- Regular eating is about getting adequate nutrition in your diet. Eating proteins, carbohydrates high in fiber, a variety of fruits and veggies, eating vegetables that cover all the colors of the rainbow and eating nutritious nuts. In addition, drinking enough water, taking a multivitamin and regular intake of fish oil high in omega-3 is recommended.
If maintaining adequate blood sugar and energy levels is necessary, it is recommended to eat smaller meals more frequently throughout the day. For example, eating a substantial breakfast, then a snack of yogurt or nuts, a balanced lunch, then a fruit or veggie snack, dinner and then a light snack of hummus and carrots 1-2 hours before bedtime.
4. Exercising- Getting 40 minutes of exercise at a moderate intensity 3-5 x per week has many psychological and emotional benefits. Common mood-boosting chemicals include: endorphins and serotonin levels. Exercise has also been know to improve self-esteem, enhanced mood, improve memory and mental functioning, and decreased stress levels.
5. Learning Cognitive Behavioral Skills or Dialectical Behavioral Skills– By being proactive and regularly learning and practicing CBT or DBT skills you will learn new and effective ways of managing your fluctuating moods. These skills include: mindfulness skills, thought regulation skills, emotion regulation skills, distress tolerance skills and interpersonal effectiveness skills.
For more information on how to develop these skills and learn how to incorporate them into your life on a regular basis, contact True Potential Counseling for more information today. By taking steps to improving your mood today you will begin laying the foundation for a healthy future.
5 Simple Steps To Thinking Positive
The following is a thought regulation technique that helps with stress management, ruminating thoughts, challenging negative self talk and mood management.- People are so focused on their workout that they are not even paying attention to me
- I have many pretty attributes (my smile, my personality, I have pretty eyes)
- I am exercising and eating a balanced meal plan and am in the process of improving my body image and seeing myself as a healthy weight
- There are several men and women who are overweight who are successful and several thin people who are not successful (Oprah Winfrey, Lindsey Lohan etc.)
- There are various other factors other than weight that contribute to my success (i.e. characteristics, skills, talents, personality, social supports, life experience, etc.)
4 Tips to Healing After Infidelity
When you discover that your partner has had a physical and/or emotional affair, you may find yourself asking some very painful and challenging questions: Can trust be rebuilt? Can I and should I forgive and move on? Should I stay?
Infidelity weakens the level of trust, safety and security in a marriage; however, a couple can begin the healing process and make their relationship stronger than before if:
1) The Extra-Marital Affair Ends-By keeping the affair active or protecting the affair, the hurt spouse continues to be walled off and an emotional distance continues to separate husband and wife. A vital step for the unfaithful partner to take is ending the extra-marital relationship and to begin opening up to his/her partner. By getting actively engaged in the marriage again he/she is now protecting the marriage and walling off the affair.
2) The Unfaithful Partner Gets Honest- It is important for the unfaithful partner to get honest about all aspects of the affair. Being courageous and taking accountability for his/her actions is fundamental after act of emotional or physical infidelity has occurred. If there are any aspects of the affair that are kept hidden, a barrier will continue to divide the couple and will prevent the couple from becoming emotionally intimate with one another. Until there is an honest disclosure the betrayed spouse will be consumed with doubt, analysis and fear and the unfaithful spouse will carry secrets, shame and remorse.
3) Compassion and Empathy Towards Your Partner- The third key for strengthening the bond between husband and wife is for both partners to have compassion for each others feelings. When marriage vows have been broken, the feelings of pain and hurt or shame and guilt can be difficult to bare. Therefore, it is important for the unfaithful partner to have empathy towards his/her spouse’s feelings and needs, and to acknowledge the pain he/she has caused. Moreover, it is important that the betrayed partner to openly share his/her feelings while also being open to understanding and having compassion for the needs and feelings of his/her spouse.
4) Rebuilding Trust- One way to begin rebuilding trust is for the couple to identify which trust-enhancing behaviors would help rebuild the safety and security in the relationship. This allows the couple to remain focused on present day solutions and to be proactive about repairing the broken relationship in the here and now. Moreover, the couple together can evaluate and resolve the problems that existed in the relationship prior to the affair.
Often times it is helpful to seek consultation from a Marriage Counselor to facilitate and guide the couple through this process, since the emotions can become very intense and it can be difficult to find the solutions or even see the problems when you are so immersed in them.
However, by taking these steps, the couple can gain insight and awareness into his/her own behaviors, perceptions, feelings and needs as well as learning and understanding his/her partner’s experience in the relationship. This can empower the couple to begin creating a fulfilling relationship today and to start planting the seeds of hope for the future health of the marriage.
For more information on coping with the aftermath of infidelity you can visit http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/
What Is Your Attachment Style?
Secure attachment
Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.” This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.
The typical pattern in relationship is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceive Triggering Conditions, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 5) Partner Responds Positively, 5) Reduces or Eliminates Anxiety, 6) Everyday Activities.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment
People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.” People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners’ lack of responsiveness. They also have less positive views about their partners because they do not trust in people’s good intentions. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may experience high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsive in their relationships.
The typical pattern of anxious-preoccupied attachment is: 1) Everyday Activities occur, 2) Provokes Anxiety, 3) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 4) Partner Responds Negatively, 5) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 6) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 7) Partner Responds Negatively, 8) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety (continues repeatedly).
Dismissive-avoidant attachment
People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).
The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Denies the Need for Closeness, 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.
Fearful-avoidant attachment
People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.” People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don’t trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.
The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness with Partner but Doesn’t Know How 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 7) Gives Up on Getting a Positive Response, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.
For more information on how to improve your relationship and modify your attachment style with your partner, contact True Potential Counseling for more details.
What is Co-Dependency?
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.
Who Does Co-dependency Affect?
Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence. Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.
What is a Dysfunctional Family and How Does it Lead to Co-dependency?
A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:
- An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling.
- The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
- The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.
Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. They detach themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t touch. They don’t confront. They don’t feel. They don’t trust. The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited
Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self.
How Do Co-dependent People Behave?
Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine – and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity.
They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.
The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.
Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Fear of being abandoned or alone
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy/boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Lying/dishonesty
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions
Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
If you have answered yes to 5 or more of these questions you have some co-dependent tendencies. If you would like to increase self-esteem, change these habitual patterns or learn how to build a healthy relationship, please contact True Potential Counseling for assistance.
