What Is Your Attachment Style?
Secure attachment
Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.” This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.
The typical pattern in relationship is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceive Triggering Conditions, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 5) Partner Responds Positively, 5) Reduces or Eliminates Anxiety, 6) Everyday Activities.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment
People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.” People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their partners. They sometimes value intimacy to such an extent that they become overly dependent on their partners—a condition colloquially termed clinginess. Compared to securely attached people, people who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to have less positive views about themselves. They often doubt their worth as a partner and blame themselves for their partners’ lack of responsiveness. They also have less positive views about their partners because they do not trust in people’s good intentions. People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment may experience high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and impulsive in their relationships.
The typical pattern of anxious-preoccupied attachment is: 1) Everyday Activities occur, 2) Provokes Anxiety, 3) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 4) Partner Responds Negatively, 5) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 6) Seeks Closeness to Partner, 7) Partner Responds Negatively, 8) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety (continues repeatedly).
Dismissive-avoidant attachment
People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).
The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Denies the Need for Closeness, 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.
Fearful-avoidant attachment
People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.” People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don’t trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.
The typical pattern of an avoidant attachment style is: 1) Everyday Activities, 2) Perceived Triggering Activities, 3) Provokes Anxiety, 4) Seeks Closeness with Partner but Doesn’t Know How 5) Partner Responds Negatively, 6) Increases Insecurity and Anxiety, 7) Gives Up on Getting a Positive Response, 8) Anxiety Suppression and Distancing, 9) Everyday Activities.
For more information on how to improve your relationship and modify your attachment style with your partner, contact True Potential Counseling for more details.
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